memoirs etched on my mind

land of milk and honey

2012-02-08T22:08:00.000-08:00

It was Monday. I had no class. Lately, I have been very busy with my school tasks so I decided to unwind to give myself a break. It was mid-afternoon when I rode in a jeep going to Tangalan. Most passengers were senior citizens, some were strange faces of early adulthood and only a few were students. I was the youngest passenger, I supposed.

Sitting in the front seat were a man in his 80’s and a woman in her 50’s. The former has just arrived from States and is having a short vacation and the latter was a then-overseas worker and most of her family reside there already (according to what I heard). They were talking about life abroad. They had a comparison about the educational system there and here in the Philippines. “It is really different, a big difference!” The man pointed out and the woman had the same opinion. Throughout the travel, my attention was centered to them and throughout their conversation, they were talking about all the sweetness in the States.

Believe it or not, I have never wished of going abroad. I would often tell my friends that I can be rich even if I just stay here in our own country. For most, going abroad means privileged circumstances but in my case, ironically, it means misery. I thought of my aunt whose application was double-crossed; of my neighbor who was abused by her superior; and of a friend’s relative who was a product of illegal recruitment. Plus, all the bad news I watch in the television every day.

But, my notion of going abroad as misery quickly changed when I heard the conversation of the two balikbayans. Yes, I have grown enough. I have now the precise vision in my mind how complicated life is.

I reached my destination. With me was the consideration that maybe, just maybe, for once, I would also want to experience the life in the land of milk and honey.

miss friendship

2011-11-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

   It was Friday. My niece Ella was waking me up so hard. She was sitting on a bed with her feet treading heavily on the floor. The night before, she was reminding me to wake up early since we had to leave and I had to accompany her.

   Ella was all dressed, wearing her Girl Scout uniform. Looking at the eyes of my niece, I could see excitement since she really was in a hurry to go to the scouting. I hurried and dressed up then. After a minute or so, we decided to leave.

   We arrived in the event earlier than the other scouters. With the free remaining minutes before the actual program would start, she was recalling her dance steps. Just looking at her, it made me summon up my elementary memoirs where I also joined scouting consistently. In scouting, we were always reminded by our scout masters that we should be with our buddies all the time.

   My niece’s first activity was about lecturing the basics of scouting and they had to look for their partners. Unluckily, Ella’s best friend was partnered to another pupil as chosen by the mother of the latter. There was only pupil left but she cried since she did not want Ella as her partner. Ella felt disappointed and she just stayed at the corner. I convinced her and explained to her that she could even join without a partner.

   In a while, her best friend Sharmaine went to her and said, “Ella, lakot ka lang sa amon ah, pwedi man ran kung kita lang tatlo!” Ella followed her and the three of them held hands. I was touched by what Sharmaine had said.

   While riding in a tricycle going to school, I realized only one thing in that event: even a child understands what friendship is.

undying talk with folks

2011-09-08T17:30:00.001-07:00

I opened my eyes widely. I could not believe that I was with these people. Brought about by the busy schedule lately, I could hardly find time to spend it with them. Or, if we are together, it is not because we are having fun but we are busy working with our research or planning for the Literati Day.

I knew it was just a regular day. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Everything was unexpected. I was alone at the kiosk outside our boarding house until Marilyn arrived and accompanied me. In just a minute, Shiela and Cindy came. We had a yawning conversation. These days, I considered it rare.

We sat on a stiff bench and listened to each other’s stories. We talked about profession, love life, sex and death, and the most interesting topic? Hmmm. Not sex but death. To me, it was a strange fact.

With the first topic, everyone has actually plans of teaching after graduation and I am happy for it. With love life, Cindy and Marilyn shared their expertise since Shiela and I have nothing to contribute (this time). The third topic was obviously a bit mischievous. To make it short, we just talked about our sexual fantasies.

The last topic was the most attention-grabbing. Cindy asked, “Palin kung dungan kita mamatay? Kanyo kaya sanda gaadto?” We burst into laughter and agreed that the memorial service will be held simultaneously. Is that even possible? Shiela and Marilyn wanted their funeral to be as simple as the usual one. With my case, I think my entombment will be the most festive one. I want Vhong Navarro’s “Totoy Bibo” to be played. I already talked to Ate Angel that there will be a contest, first is “pabonggahan ng iyak”. I told them that whoever attends my burial will not walk but will have the horseback riding. Plus, there will be another contest for “pagandandan ng desinyo ng kabayo”. Again, laughter filled the kiosk.

The sun set like saying goodbye. Shiela left then Marilyn and Cindy followed. Staring into the sky, I told myself that I prefer sitting with them in a long stretch of time instead of seeing them leave.

everlasting smile

2011-09-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

I woke up with good intentions. I went to school early and attended the mass afterward. During the mass, I thought of my best friend, Jenny. She keeps on telling me that when I go to church, I should not just attend but rather, participate in the mass. I would just laugh, though. I often tell her that I am not as religious as she is. I am not even particular with the biblical verses nor am I active in the church activities. In short, I find masses unexciting and I hate myself for this. But believe me, no one could question my faith in God.

The mass I have attended this time was something different. It was more of a profound feeling. The priest's homily was about the famous phrase, "walang iwanan!" And the most striking part was during the time when we have to say the phrase to the persons seated beside us. I saw familiar faces- faces of my classmates and my professors. Inspite of the ease, I still had a hard time uttering the phrase. The very notion made me feel sad. I am not comfortable with the fact that we may go to far places and not see each other for a long time. I thought of what is going to happen after the graduation. Honestly, I am not ready yet.

It is quite ironic to think that after years of forming sweet memories, here we are, our paths taking separate ways. Like what I said, it was more of a feeling; a feeling of longing, perhaps.

I went out of the church biting my nails and feeling prickled. Yet, the mass ended with a sweet smile in every one's face- a smile that will last forever.

living instruments

2011-07-02T01:38:00.000-07:00

I was riding in a van on my way home. The air was perfectly hushed, it almost invited me to sleep. As the van stopped for an instant, part of me wanted to howl upon seeing the street children--no shirts nor slippers. Admittedly, I am the type of person whose heart easily screws up whenever I see street children, adults and even fools roaming along public areas. Yes, I am very emotional when these persons are involved. But I won't show the attitude as much as possible.

I thought of my nieces and nephews. They suddenly popped in my head the very time I saw these street children. I realized that they are still lucky thinking that they have their parents who feed them with their favorite food, sing lullabies when they are about to sleep and send them to school for them to learn. Apart from that, I told myself that my nephews and nieces are lucky too, because I am here to support them as long as I can, I am here to give them everything as long as I have and I am here to mold them to become accountable children who will support the street children someday who seem to be climbing when they are actually walking.

Upon arriving home, I sighed as a sign of relief. Years from now, I may get older. I may not be able to help these street children, but at least, I have set a scheme in my mind that my nephews and nieces will serve as my instruments to make them breathe charitably. Most of all, I am able to pass my intention and purpose.

greatness of a great grandmother

2011-03-16T03:42:00.000-07:00

Whenever I am alone, one of the things I fondly do is to think of my great grandmother. I used to call her Mama Noling. She lived with us for a couple of years and my life will never be this inclusive without her existence, I believe. It was on May 27, 2008 when she kissed goodbye to life. It was so painful on my part since we were close cronies then.

Yes, it's been three years now but I could still plainly visualize her unyielding posture in my mind- the way she gives me pieces of advice when I feel so down, the way she helps me with my school assignments at night, the way she shares her childhood stories before we sleep and even the way she nags me whenever I disobey my mother. These things are but still fresh in my mind and will forever be.

Last other night, the way Mama Noling took action in my dream felt like she was here to stay with us again. In my dream, she was kind of asking for help while lying on her bed. Despite the wrinkled face, I could still see kindness in it. This scene reminded me of the time when we were still sharing the same room in our house. How sad!

The next day, while I was sitting on a wooden bed, I cannot help but recall the tender memories we have had. And as the long silence pinched through the corners of my shady room, I disregarded the tears running from my cheeks and found myself saying the words, "I miss you so much Mama!"

Note: Mama Noling's date of birth happens to be her date of death too.

slip of the tongue

2011-03-11T15:43:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, and even up to now, I used to ask my mother the same question, "Nay, sin o gid sa amon magmalanghod imong paborito?" Ever since, her answer has been so consistent, she would say, "Parehas tanan!" Unsatisfied with what she have said, I would always insist that there should have only one but just to change the topic, she would lecture me instead about the importance of fairness in life.

As far as I could remember, the example she always gives is about the food. She said that no matter how limited the food is, it must still be divided into equal parts. (Well! I know nothing about equality then.) I always interrupt her when she lectures about it and I would say that my favorite uncle is this and not this, and my favorite aunt is this and not this. She would just laugh though.

One time, while sitting on a sofa after our lunch, we were talking about my nieces and nephews and she said she loves them all fairly. I was just diverted when she said this, "Pero pag may unga kaw lon, agto akong pinakapalangga." I just nodded, smiled and said to myself that maybe because, I am my mom's favorite.

behind every thing

2011-03-01T19:29:00.000-08:00

Everything started when I opened my eyes to see the grandeur of the world, when I uttered the first word to express my thoughts and ideas and when I moved my right foot forward to show confidence that I am eager to stand on my own. I call these things--life. Perhaps, the most significant event that happened to me was when I was born in this world, and so all other significant events came.

Medal and Certificate

With the medals on my neck and certificate in my hand, I can't help but cry. "Finally!" I blurted out. When I was in my fourth year high, I did not actually expect that I will graduate with flying colors. My mom told me that to graduate alone is already an achievement. Luckily, I graduated as the 2nd honorable mention. Indeed, this is a huge event that happened in my life since I wasn't expecting for the very academic award. I believe that this is the only reward I could give to myself for all the hard work I have invested.

Pen and Paper

There are various ways to express one's thoughts and feelings. One of which is through paper and pen. Ever since, I have been dreaming of being a writer and later I realized that I could be a writer in my ordinary ways, someone who can creatively describe what he feels and thinks with just a single dot marked in a sheet of paper. First year college when I tried screening for the Aklan Collegian. Fortunately, I passed. I told myself that this is a fulfillment of a dream. Through writing, I inspire others.

Clearance and Stamping pad

A student leader must be ready to serve, handle the concerns of his constituents and must be prepared to accept the key of responsibilities. It was on my 2nd year in the college when I have my last-minute filing of candidacy to run for governor of our department. Being a student leader has taught me so many things, particularly in the inculcation of values like being responsible and all. This experience shaped me as a student. With the support of my constituents, it feels privileged to think that you are trusted by them.

Blanket and Chocolate

Being loved by the special people in your life is the most incomparable feeling. When I was younger, my mom gave me a box of chocolate and that was also the time when she told me of how proud she was having me in her life. My heart wanted to cry for delight that time. Second instance was when my sister-in-law gave me a blanket as a present on my birthday. It feels like all her love for me was clothed in that very thing. How lucky I am to have these two women in my life knowing that it is hard to seek this kind of compassion.

These are but some of the significant things that contributed to my 18 years of existence. The lesson I have learned with these experiences is that, in order to get what you desire in life, you must work hard to achieve it. Just a tip: we should always remember to enjoy the journey rather than the destination but we should be able to set a positive outlook to reach the sweet ending. This is life! This is enjoying the pride of success!